Kirby vs Theodore Roosevelt: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Kirby
“The Pink Puffball” · Nintendo · 1992 · 0′8″ (20 cm), about 4 lb (2 kg)
Round pink hero of Dream Land who inhales enemies and copies their powers. Officially about 20 cm tall, and far tougher than he looks.
Theodore Roosevelt
“Teddy” · United States · 1858–1919 · about 5′10″ (178 cm), about 220 lb (100 kg)
Led the Rough Riders at San Juan Hill in 1898, then became the 26th US President. A keen boxer until a punch in a White House sparring session cost him the sight in his left eye.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Roosevelt by TKO. Roosevelt is 98 kg heavier, and Kirby is a floating pink dumpling in a borrowed headband. Kirby bounces off the man who finished a speech after being shot in the chest. Round one, the ref waves it off, mostly out of concern for the ring's punching-bag rules.
Fair fight? Make Roosevelt fight kneeling in a ball pit, with his good eye covered, and let Kirby keep the headband and float freely. Even then, Kirby needs the extra bounce.
More fights: Kirby · Theodore Roosevelt · all fighters