Mario vs Miyamoto Musashi: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Mario
“Jumpman” · Nintendo · 1981 · about 5′1″ (155 cm), about 154 lb (70 kg)
Nintendo’s mascot plumber, first seen jumping barrels in Donkey Kong. Has stomped more turtles than anyone alive and can lift Bowser by the tail.
Miyamoto Musashi
“The Sword Saint” · Japan · c. 1584–1645 · about 5′11″ (180 cm), about 176 lb (80 kg)
Japanese swordsman who said he won all 61 of his duels, and author of The Book of Five Rings. Famously turned up late to his duel with Sasaki Kojirō and won with a wooden sword carved from an oar.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Musashi by DQ. Mario keeps hopping and triple-jumping, and in round two he does what turtle-stompers do: comes down boots-first on Musashi's head. The referee disqualifies him at once. Musashi, 25 cm taller and unbothered, had been winning since the first bell, like a man who won his first duel at 13.
Fair fight? Legalise stomps for this one bout and give Musashi a hard hat. Mario's decades of turtle-jumping finally count for something, and the taller man has to think about his head.
More fights: Mario · Miyamoto Musashi · all fighters