Mario vs Horatio Nelson: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Mario
“Jumpman” · Nintendo · 1981 · about 5′1″ (155 cm), about 154 lb (70 kg)
Nintendo’s mascot plumber, first seen jumping barrels in Donkey Kong. Has stomped more turtles than anyone alive and can lift Bowser by the tail.
Horatio Nelson
“Hero of the Nile” · United Kingdom · 1758–1805 · about 5′5″ (165 cm), about 132 lb (60 kg)
British admiral who destroyed the French and Spanish fleets at Trafalgar in 1805 and died at the moment of victory. Fought on after losing the sight of one eye and most of his right arm.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Nelson by DQ. Mario, 10 kg heavier, wins the early rounds, then triple-jumps and ground-pounds in round two. That's a stomp, so the referee disqualifies him. Nelson, who lost an arm at Tenerife and kept going, is declared the winner, one-armed and slightly dented.
Fair fight? Make Mario fight flat-footed, with no jumping or ground-pounding allowed. Then his extra 10 kg weight advantage goes up against Nelson's 10 cm height advantage, and the referee can stop reaching for the disqualification card.
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