Mario vs George S. Patton: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Mario
“Jumpman” · Nintendo · 1981 · about 5′1″ (155 cm), about 154 lb (70 kg)
Nintendo’s mascot plumber, first seen jumping barrels in Donkey Kong. Has stomped more turtles than anyone alive and can lift Bowser by the tail.
George S. Patton
“Old Blood and Guts” · United States · 1885–1945 · 6′2″ (188 cm), about 185 lb (84 kg)
US general whose Third Army tore across France in 1944. Competed in the first Olympic modern pentathlon in 1912, finishing fifth, and designed the US Army’s last cavalry sword.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Patton by DQ. Mario triple-jumps onto Patton's head in round one, because stomping is his whole personality. Stomping is a foul, so the referee disqualifies him. Patton, a 1912 Olympic pentathlete who is 33 cm taller, wins by DQ and claims he saw it coming in a past life.
Fair fight? Legalise stomps and ground-pounds for Mario, and make Patton wear a hard hat. Mario's whole game plan is jumping on heads, and it's hard to win when it's a foul.
More fights: Mario · George S. Patton · all fighters