Mario vs Theodore Roosevelt: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Mario
“Jumpman” · Nintendo · 1981 · about 5′1″ (155 cm), about 154 lb (70 kg)
Nintendo’s mascot plumber, first seen jumping barrels in Donkey Kong. Has stomped more turtles than anyone alive and can lift Bowser by the tail.
Theodore Roosevelt
“Teddy” · United States · 1858–1919 · about 5′10″ (178 cm), about 220 lb (100 kg)
Led the Rough Riders at San Juan Hill in 1898, then became the 26th US President. A keen boxer until a punch in a White House sparring session cost him the sight in his left eye.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Roosevelt by DQ. Mario is 23 cm shorter and 30 kg lighter, so he does what he knows: triple-jump, then ground-pound. Stomps are fouls, and the referee disqualifies him in round two. Roosevelt, who once finished a speech with a bullet in his chest, barely noticed the landing.
Fair fight? Make stomps legal and lay a trampoline floor in the ring. Once Mario is airborne, Roosevelt's height advantage disappears and the bout becomes a real contest.
More fights: Mario · Theodore Roosevelt · all fighters