Ulysses S. Grant vs Kirby: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Ulysses S. Grant
“Unconditional Surrender” · United States · 1822–1885 · 5′8″ (173 cm), about 134 lb (61 kg)
Union general who won the American Civil War, then 18th US President. Slight of build, a superb horseman, and famously calm under fire.
Kirby
“The Pink Puffball” · Nintendo · 1992 · 0′8″ (20 cm), about 4 lb (2 kg)
Round pink hero of Dream Land who inhales enemies and copies their powers. Officially about 20 cm tall, and far tougher than he looks.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Kirby by Decision. Kirby puffs up and hovers above Grant's swings for nine minutes, tapping his head and floating off. Grant, minus his horse, learns his famous high-jump record needed one. Nobody gets stopped, but the judges hand all three rounds to the pink balloon by decision.
Fair fight? Ban floating and make Kirby keep both feet on the canvas. Then Grant's much greater size gets to matter, and he would win on a referee stoppage.
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