Samus Aran vs Joseph Stalin: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Samus Aran
“The Hunter” · Metroid · 1986 · 6′3″ (190 cm), 198 lb (90 kg)
Galactic bounty hunter raised by the bird-like Chozo, who wipes out Metroids for a living. Nintendo lists 190 cm and 90 kg; fans still argue whether that includes the Power Suit.
Joseph Stalin
“Uncle Joe” · Georgia / Soviet Union · 1878–1953 · about 5′5″ (165 cm), about 165 lb (75 kg)
Dictator of the Soviet Union from the 1920s until 1953. Led the USSR to victory over Nazi Germany while his purges, famines and labour camps killed millions. His left arm was stiff and shortened from childhood.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Samus by DQ. Stalin, a veteran of the 1907 Tiflis bank robbery with one stiff arm, spends round one eating jabs from someone 25 cm taller, then goes looking for a shortcut. He stomps Samus's foot in round two, and the referee disqualifies the Man of Steel.
Fair fight? Tie Samus's left arm behind her back to match Stalin's stiff one, and the 25 cm height gap becomes a fight instead of a lesson.
More fights: Samus Aran · Joseph Stalin · all fighters