Sonic vs Joseph Stalin: who would win in a fist fight?
Pick the winner and how they win (TKO, DQ or decision), then see how everyone else called it.
Sonic
“The Hedgehog” · Sega · 1991 · 3′3″ (100 cm), 77 lb (35 kg)
Sega’s blue hedgehog, running at the speed of sound since 1991. Attacks by curling into a spiky ball. Short temper, shorter attention span.
Joseph Stalin
“Uncle Joe” · Georgia / Soviet Union · 1878–1953 · about 5′5″ (165 cm), about 165 lb (75 kg)
Dictator of the Soviet Union from the 1920s until 1953. Led the USSR to victory over Nazi Germany while his purges, famines and labour camps killed millions. His left arm was stiff and shortened from childhood.
The crowd
Nobody has called this one yet.
The AI’s verdict (spoiler)
Sonic by DQ. Sonic circles to Stalin's stiff left side all night, landing pokes and darting off before he can answer. By round two the ex-seminarian's patience cracks and he stomps the hedgehog. The referee disqualifies him, and Sonic is already bored.
Fair fight? Shrink the ring to a phone booth so Sonic can't circle. Then Stalin's 40 kg advantage finally matters, and Sonic's short temper gets him into trouble.
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